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Thursday, April 01, 2004
bye bye

soooooooo this is my last entry cuz my lifes crazy and i have no time for this shit so i gotta say peace!

Posted at 10:19 pm by br0kenhanded
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Tuesday, March 09, 2004
why is my life so fucking screwd?

mood: not too hott

yay how fun of a weekend I HAD!!!!! oh it was terrible. besides the one time i got to be with jake. god im so pissed all the time. i was at dance all weekend. ALL FUCKING WEEKEND. expect i got out at 6 on saturday, oh how thats a shock! well i sent in a conflict cuz i wanted to go to sadie hawkins. i didnt really wanan, but it was a good way of gettin outta dance early and spending time with jake. and im happy i did. me and jake didnt no if we were gonna go or not cuz NO ONE was going and i mean NO ONE. like none of our friends went, well atleast none of my girl friends went. alot of jakes lacrosse team was there, but didnt really dress up like us. yeah i no were gay and we dressed up, but u were suppost to, so we decided to b gay and do it. well the theme this year was "blast from the past" to broad of the theme if u ask me but my mom was going crazy full out for this. she was so excited to dress me up...and i tohught she was being extremely GAY. so on saturday, i skipped my early classes of dance so i could go get a costume becuz 1. i didnt have time early that week becuz of dance. and 2. i decided 2 days before it, that i was even going. so my mom wouldnt lemme go if i didnt wear a costume cuz this is how gay she is. so i went to white marsh and shopped allmorning for about 5 hours to find a hott outfit and found nothing. so i decided to go for my first decision which was slutty adn i new i was ognna look gay but i didnt care anymore cuz everything was pissing me off.  so i bought this lil hoochie skirt with 60s flowers on it, a white halter top and some white knee high go go boots that were so gay i coudlnt stand it. and some huge ass hoop earrrings that killed my ears.  i thought i looked gay but i didnt loook as gay as jake when he came over to pick me...literally. he wore a see thru button up shirt and some girls tight bell bottoms he bought at c-mart cuz u no we love to shop there. he looked hott, his ass was crazzzzzzy hott! lol hahahah so funny i was dieing rolling on the floor laughing. so i was alil glad i didnt look as gay as him. the dance was kinda boring, it was up in the tiny old gym just becuz not that many people go to this one. everyone dressed funny it was cool to see everyone dressed up. justin didnt dress up, none of jakes friends did really so we felt realyl outta place cuz were weird. but oh well. we hung out with the lax guys for a lil just talkin and shit, and then we went in and danced for a while to all the black music and then we left about 20 min early so we could go back to his house and hang out which i was looking forward too. i have been SO DAMN BUSY cuz of this gay ass winter concert this weekend i couldnt stand it. i havent seen jake it forever andi wanted to make that night good cuzi wouldnt see him this weekend i dont think cuz i have the winter concert and shit, and its pissing me off more then u can ever imagine. errrr i have no life. i never asked to do all this shit, i didnt wanan b in the winter concert and have all these rehersals every single night all weekend long so i cant see my baby jake anymore. i never asked to do this. when i told them i would compete again this year i said i was only gona do 5 dances, i decided to b nice and added 5more to that but they didnt seem to take that as a good thing becuz they decide to make me doo all this extra shit i never asked to do. so im pissed, and im not looking forward to dance at all this year besides going to florida. errrrrrr, im so mad, and i really hope that since we have the gay concert on saturday. i mean wtf a saturday night gone to waste. errrr u dont no how angryi m!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i BEST have off sunday adn if not u dont wanna no wat im gonna do. im gonna cry. i stayed home from school on monday cuz i was so dead. i had rehersals all day on sunday from 1-8 striaght with no dinner break. there trying to kill me and im oging to say something really soon. they need to stop torturing us. i thought this was suppost to be fun? this isnt fun anymore, im really hating it. like im DREDING going to dance when i shouldnt be cuz its my life and thats wat i wanna do when i get older. but i wanna do it becuz its FUN and im good at it. but after being at this studio every hour of the nite, every day of the week, is making me think less and less of making this my occupation as an adult and even wanted to consider quitting which i never thuoght i would ever say. but hey this is wat they get. i just shoulda went to bsa with everyone esle. lived my good dancer life at dance explosion and had fun with natalie. but no im a dumbass, still stuck up in with the hicks at north harford not participating in anything at school, BECUZ my life is too busy with dance. i cant believe jakes even stayed with me all this time and put up with this gay ass schedule of mine. hes been awesome thru it tho and i love him to death, i just hope that dance doesnt ruin our realationship beucz of me never seeing him. it will kill me, i dont even wanna think about it. thats not wat im in the mood for rite now at all. so im trying to fit jake into my schedule as much as possible and all this school year i have basically screwed my girl friends to b with him. which i think is wrong but i seriously dont wanna lose him, i really dont. i wont make it thru this without someone to cuddle with and talk to. ill break down or something. so im hoping to god that none of wat im saying happends, or atleast anytime soon cuz i just wont b able to take all this stress.  oh god my life is terrible, my grades are dropping, my life is gay, and i dont have time to think about anything anymore. i just sit in my bed all nite and think. and i can never get sleep. even tho i should b tired, im not. its so werid. so i stay up half the nite thinking about wat i can do to fix my life and every nite ive come to the conclusion that nothing can right now. nothing can until the summers over, until i can step outta that dance studio and they can kiss my ass buh bye for good this time, and my life will b alil better.

Posted at 08:56 pm by br0kenhanded
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Thursday, February 26, 2004
oh look now there u gooooooooo

listening to: I WILL NO BEND I WILL NOT BREAK!!!!!!!!!
mood: the worsttt htat u could do...is the best that u could ho0pe for is hardly the best,
whoa wathefuckkk

alright my lifes gay i have nothing to say about it cuz i dont really remember wat the hell has been happening these past few days and everything, besides that we had the choreography show last night and my babys look so frekain hot its sexy shit im obsessed WOO HOO yay!!!!!! so proud of my hello kitty babys yay.

ummmmm my lifes boring, ive been at dance non stop cuz there obsessed with me cuz im so freaki amazingly good and i have to b there all damn weekend. how fun! no id rather die. i didnt get to see jake much last weekend becuz of dance. i went to monicas graduation party on MY BIRTHDAY and i was quite pissed cuz i wanted to do wat I WANTED ON MY BIRTHDAY by i had to go so after we got there and after jake got home from basketball, steph my awesome 18 year old collage friend decided to b all nice and drive me up to get him...3o min away. aww how nice i love her. so i got to hang out wtih him for alil bit, while lil kids were running aorund everywhere and it was the stupidest grad party i have ever seen. me and jake talked and played cards with steph the hole time, and then we uh had a icing fight and i got black icing all over me and it wasnt looking too hot, and then we were cleaning up around 12 and we decided to enhale all the helium in the balloons and i sounded like the shit it was crazy i was so cool lol...but that was it and i barley got to b with jake so i was pissed off but atleast i got to see him for ali bit.  this week was really gay i have to say, nothning exciting has happened. this is my boring as life. tonite i was SUPPOST to go to c-mart with jaek and pick out soe sadie hawkins outfits if i can even go cuz i probaly cant cuz of gay ass dance but anyways, its comin up and the them is blast from the past so we need to look all sexy and i duno but that never happened. wats awesome is that jake is FINALLY DONE BASKETBALL!!!!!!!! yay we need to have a damn party. i finally have my baby on my friday nights...well only for a week that is, lacrosse starts back up in march and that will suck, no more baby. oh wel ill live ill b busy too so its all good.  hes doin lax while im up killing mysefl every god damn day at dance how fun! so thatw as that, tomorrow i get to hangout with him on the first friday in a long time and that is probaly the only time ill see him this weekend cuz of dance but oh well...hopefully i wont have much enxt weekend and then we can go to sadie hawkins and b all sexy and shit woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so excited

Posted at 08:17 pm by br0kenhanded
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Friday, February 20, 2004



woo hoo its my birthday and im freakin excited as shit!!!!!

woo hoo!!!!


Posted at 03:21 pm by br0kenhanded
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Thursday, February 19, 2004
...the harder i push, the farther i fall...

listening to: dashboard confessional- again i go unnodiced
mood: woooah

MY life sucks.i have to say it really does. and im not enjoying any part of it at all even tho my birthday is tomorrow and i should be excited and hyper but im really not. yesterday was a terrible night a dance and it was just gay. when i get there i get a rehersal schedule for this stupid ass winter concert and nodice that i have rehersal on saturday until 7:30...that ruined it there but i was fine i guess cuz i could probaly do something on sunday after my duet which got done at 3:15. so i had all night. but as i continued to read down the paper i realized i was gonna be there all day sunday from 2:15 straight to 9 at night. and i was so pissed. thats for the next 2 weeks too...and im gettin scared cuz there being gay and worring about this when they should be worrying about competition. err i hate this studio. so i was mad...jake has a an away game on tomorrow on my birthday and i was pissed. not only do i not get to see him on my birthday, but insted of doing wat I want on MY birthday i have to go to monicas stupid graduation party like i want to cuz my parents are MAKING me spend time with them on my birthday wtf. im so pissed off..so there part of my weekend for ya...oh wait theres more. so i go to dance from 11-7:30...STRAIGHT! NO BREAK NO FUCKNG BREAK. are they trying to kill me? i think so. but im gonna shoot someone. if jake really wants to see me this weekend, which i doubt cuz i no he problay has better things to do then to wait around for me ona  saturday night to do something at 8 only for 3 hours. errrrrr i dunno i hope i get to see him tho cuz its my birthday and i wanna see him alil bit. so then on sunday i ave dance all day and its crazy and thats for the next to weeks and this isnt even for competition dances yet. and then the 3 week is the show, then after that we will start rehersals for competition which will b even worse becuz we have comps in less then 2 months and havent started barley A N Y T H I N G.! errrr im gettin very mad. to top everything off last night. shannon wasnt there so we had a shitty jazz class which is my favorite and i found out al lthis drama is going on in ballet class and i dont even no wat the fucks going on but fat debs all bitching at us and saying that we have assigned places at the bare and that we have a "Drill" to do when we enter the class and if we dont follow the rules well get kicked off the team. well right about now thats wat im hoping for, i dont care about this team, i dont care about debs gay ass rules just becuz i dont come there evreyday like everyone esle, and i dont get a shit about all these damn rehersals screwing up my life. so this is just so gay. my mom doesnt understand either, shes a idiot. i explain to her how upset i m over everything, my life...is a mess right now, i have no time. i barley get sleep at night cuz i get home so fucking late from dance, the 2 days i dont have dance i have shitloads of homework, and i sitll dont get to bed any earlier, my grades arent too great right now, and im sore as shit everyday. my quads are killing i can barley sit and walk up steps its terrible. i just cant take this much more and ive decided that im quitting from this gay ass studio next year and not dealing with all there bull shit adn going somewhere esle even if it means i ahve to go 2840928493- miles away im gettin away from there. i cant stand itttttttttt errrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Posted at 04:28 pm by br0kenhanded
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Sunday, February 15, 2004
in love with dashboard..oh yeah and jake

happy v day yesterday.

ive been busy as all hell lately and its crazy......its been a week since i last wrote, and not much has happened in a week besides it was valentines day and everything. school was really gay for the hole week. this was like the first full week of school weve had for a long time. so it felt kinda odd. oh well it wasnt that bad it went by quick. on friday jake had basketbal, he wanted to do something afterwards so i stayed home and waited for him to pick me up and i hung out with him for a while since i didnt get to see him like no more then 2 hours last weekend and it was crazy. so we just chilled for the night and hung out like we usually do. yesterday was v day. and i love v day so much its fun shit. all loved and stuff, and because of the vday vive that everyone was giving to me i was really hyper at dance. and oh yes i forgot, i had dance like all day yesterday and i wasnt too happy but it was okay. i guess. so that wat that, and then right when i got him i went straight to jakes house so we could exchange presents. i got him a flaming lips shirt that he wanted and i had to order it off the internet and i got him the flaming lips soft bullentin cd cuz im nice like that. since its my birthday in 5 days!!!!!! AND U BEST REMEMBER. jake decided to combind my vday/birthday present and gave it too me all yesterday. i got... the dashboard confessional cd swisss army romance that ive been dieing to get and its amazing, a hello kitty stuffed animal all dressed up all sexy cuz im so obsessed with the cutie kitty, a pair of american eagle jeans...and i no exactly why he got me those...becuz he had a 40 buck gift certificate he got for xmas and he hates that store so he decides to buy me some jeans cuz thats all ill wear from there...hahah smart ass. lol...haha so im all into dashboard right now and im loving it. like seriously i have 3 cds of theres and im totally obsessed i fall asleep to them every night its crazy. mmmmmmm so  goodddddddd. so thats that...besides that i had an awesome time last night with jake even tho by 12:30 before my parents got there and i was about to fall asleep i felt like i was gonna puke everywhere it was scary. but hes so awesome god im so in love with him hes the best guy ever. and he was all nice to me last nite snuggling and everything its sooo cutie!!!!! and this morning when i woke up he called me and he wanted to check up on me and see how i was feeling.. HOW SWEET!@ that like made my day. okay well i gotta go get me a shower, and i gotta work on my babys dance cuz uh, im having it today and i didnt get anything of it done and everything and thennnnnn im going to home depot and gettin my hot pink paint for my room so it will b all sexy and shit HOW FUN! im excited woo hoo...

Posted at 12:53 pm by br0kenhanded
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Sunday, February 08, 2004

mood: errrrrrr

soooo this is wat has been going on...uhhh i went to school and everything and then on friday we had off of school cuz of icey roads and shit and it was crazy...buttttt my mom came home rite as i woke up cuz i had a doctors appointment for my ankle cuz it was killing me and its been like 2 weeks and everything and it was just crazyness all swelled up and shit so i went to that, and the doctor said i needa a x ray so we go over and get one in another building and they told me it was just sprained really bad or something. soooo that was that, and i wanted to go shopping afterwards and everything but insted i talked my mom into taking me tyo best buys so i could getta cd...insted of just walking outta best buys with my flaming lips soft bulletin for jake for vday...i got a NEW COMPUTER!!!!!!! a brand new sony computer with everyting i could possibly want and its mine and only mine and my old one is my parents and they can finally just get the fuck outta my room when we get dsl i cant wait, but it was so awesome i got a new comp its crazy shit, i was so excited im in love it it its crazyyyyyyyy wata awesome 2,000 buck birthday present...cuz yeah my bday is on the 20TH and u best not forget biotch. so that was that and i had fun on my friday night stuck inside with my new comp cuz jake was being gay and didnt wanna hang out for some reason even tho i new i wasnt gonna see him like all weekend cuz dance is being so gay and im like there all damn day.  sooo on saturday, i went to dance all day and watched from 11-6:30 with only 1 dinner break and it was crazy. i learned a new dance its a jazz to JET are u gonna b my girl. kick ass song im so in love with it. and i have alot of crap to make up and everything its just werid i dunno hopefuly ill catch up. yay. so on the way home on saturday my mom flipped a bitch cuz one road home so she says was crazy icey and she was going like 2 miles a hour and holdin up all this traffic an d everything and i went home early so i could do something with jake cuz i no he wanted to do something and my mom was like paranoid to go over jakes cuz of the roads and they werent even that bad....soooo i was pissed off like really cuz that ment i wouldnt see him at all all weekend. errr and thats not good, so i talked my dad when he got back from his moms house to take me and jake to rock n bowl down the street that strats at 11 and everything and he said sure cuz hes nice like that unlike my screweed up mom. so we pick up jake after he bought his new fish tank and hooked it up al nite that i wanna see so bad and everything....wata dork...and we go over to rock n bowl and its freakin sold out SOLD OUT!!! wat the fuckkkkk i was so mad...so i talked daddy into letting jake come over till like 12:30 just so i can b with him for a lil bit and that was really unusal for him sooo i got to b with jake alil bit and it was fun, awww but ohh well i wish i coulda been with him some more. so today i had my babys dance and i got it almost done and everything and then i had like a 5 hour break so we went to ikea and i bought a new desk for my new comp and my new room and everything, and i got a new zebra chair thing thats all sexy and shit and that was that and then i killed myeself for 3 horus in karens rehersal from 5:30-8:30 for the stupid winter concert and it was gay and im pissed cuz it was dorky and wasting my time and i cant dance anyway cuz my ankle is killing sooooooooo im gonna go cuz thats my life story of wats been going on and im gonna go to bed and watch the grammys yay

Posted at 10:13 pm by br0kenhanded
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Tuesday, February 03, 2004
soooo busy!!!!!

listening to: real world
mood: tired

ive been soooooo freakin busy ever since my grandpa passed. so im gonna make this short and sweet before real world comes on..

on friday i stayed in and did nothing cuz jake was on his retreat for confirmation and i was home bored as shit. on saturday, it was the snowflake dance. so i didnt go to dance and i missed a bunch of rehersals, but oh well screw it my ankle was killing anyway. but i went over gabis house and monica did my hair for the dance and it looked all sexy and shit, and then after that we went shopping for some clothes for my pop pop funeral. then i went home, got all ready and went over jakes to get some pictures and we were looking pretty sexy. he wore his blue shirt with black pants, and a jerry garcia tie he bought, he looked nice. we went to fallston seafood to eat and it was sooooo good. i wanna eat there more, even tho it was kidna expensive, and we looked like dorks it was all good. mmm i got me some shrimp and jake got crab cakes...sooo yummy.. sooooo we go to the dance, it was kinda gay but i had fun i love lookin at how everyone is dressed and everything, but me and jake left early so we could go back to his house and hang out and everything.  so we had an AWESOME time when we get back to the house and just chilled until 2 in the mornin, jakes dad said i could have spent the night but on sunday i had to go to my pop pops viewing all day long. i was there from 3-9 at the funeral home for the viewings. alot of people from dance came and it was so sad. on monday, i didnt go to school cuz it was pop pops funeral. it was very nice and alot of people came. after mass and the bureal, we went to squiers to eat pizza and it was pretty good. then we come home, i talk to jake and i got out to record and tape traders to buy me some cds and shit. i got reggie and something corperate so it was fun. today we had off for no reason, something about freezing rain and shit but i was shocked cuz it wasnt bad outside. i think that was our last snow day so that sucks. so jake came over and hung out all day cuz i was bored and my parents were home and my aunt gladys, uncle mike and mom mom came up for dinner to get outta the house before they all went home. jake just hung out with me and it was really icy tonite so mayb well have off.....sooooooo real worlds on and im outta here!!!!!!

Posted at 10:00 pm by br0kenhanded
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Friday, January 30, 2004
R.I.P Pop Pop i love u

my pop pop passed away last nite at 11 pm. he was the best pop pop ever and it was terrible to see him go this quick. i really love u pop pop

after we found out the news, my mom and i drove down to the hosptial with the rest of the imediate family and took a look at pop pop in his bed before they moved him out. he died in his sleep last nite and it was so fast. they told us he would live for at least 2 months. they told us this alil over a week ago. it was only a week in a half he survived. my pop pop had dialisis for a long time, but that isnt wat caused his death. he had cancer. one of the worse uncureable kinds, and he lived his long life of 81 years very pleasant and well. after i saw my pop pop laying there sleeping in his bed i new god did this on purpose. god let him go early so he wouldnt have to suffer, so he wouldnt have to go thru any more pain in his life that was ahead of him with cancer. my pop pop didnt no he was going to die, but i think he realized it well enough yesterday night. my grandma is a wreak, i was so scared to go in and see how she was doing cuz i no she wouldnt be well. it was a terrible sight to see everyone in that hospital room last nite with the last remanding minutes of seeing pop pop. my dad and his 2 brothers werent doing that well...and i never expected that i would cry that much. i couldnt stand to see everyone crying and just lost it, it was so upsetting. it took mom mom awhile to say goodbye and for us to leave. we went back to her house afterwards so everyone could talk about arrangements, me and my cousins just tryed to sleep in the living room cuz it was going on 2 am before we actually left. i think that they decided on the viewing on sunday, and the funeral on monday. so i stayed home from school today and i will on monday as well. i loved my pop pop so much and i wasnt expecting him to go this quick. i only visited him once in the hosptial cuz i didnt no he was going to be gone so fast. if i woulda known i woulda been there alot more and spent more time with him. i didnt even get to say good by...

R.I.P Pop Pop
u mean so much to our family and now ur resting in heaven where u belong. we love u so much!!!!

Posted at 02:53 pm by br0kenhanded
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004
2NITE ROCKED...really meant something YEAAAAAAA

moood: excellent!!!!!!

WEVE BEEN OFF SCHOOL CUZ OF THE GAY SNOW FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS!!!!! how sexy is that. wat sucks is that ive been bored as anything these past 3 days it really isnt cool. besides today ofcouse. sooo these past few days ive been stuck at home cuz my parents are gay and wouldnt drive me over to jakes. each day i got up around 10, cuz jake said his mom would mayb come and get me but she stayed home from work cuz she didnt wanna drive in the snow so why would she come and get me!?! errrr. sooo heres me bored as fuck all monday, find out we have no dance which rocked, then im in suspence waiting to find out if were close on tuesday and finally find out when i wake up at 10:30 and im lke yEAAAAAAA soooo i was bored again and me and natalie wanted to do something and i was gonna go over jakes when my daddy came home but i called jake and he was out in the snow like everyone but me, so i was like watever, he calls me back at 5 and i told him i couldnt come over anymore cuz it was too late and cuz it was like freaking crazy snowing outside. so i kinda new that we were gonna have off today. i had a feeling. no one thought we were tho since weve been off the 2 days before. sooo i asked my mom nicely if she would wake me up early before she left for work and drive me over to jakes house so i wouldnt b bored all day alone by myself and she said no cuz his road is hilly and she doesnt have 4 wheel drive all this shit and everything that pissed me off real bad, so i was like jake ill just call u tomorrow...so i set my alarm for 7:30, i get woken up from my mom saying that she will take me over to jakes cuz the roads werent that bad, so i get up fucking early just to see him. hmm i didnt wanna wake him but i did anyway and he wasnt too mad cuz he wanted to see me cuz he hasnt since saturday. awww, i missed him so much and i was so happy i got to spend the hole day with him. it was fun, and especailly at nite...oh im not going into details but me and him had one of the AWESOMEST times...wink*wink. MMMM, soooo i had a awesome time 2nite and i love jake more then anybody i have ever loved in my life and i really hope we stay together for a long time cuz he means more than anything to me god he is my world, i dont no wat i would do without him i would do anything for him cuz he is just so awesome and i love him to death...okay im done lol, im off to bed cuz well gonna have school tomorrow and everything so im not really looking forward to it errr...

Posted at 09:45 pm by br0kenhanded
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